Self-Compassion
Generosity to Oneself (Part 1)

by Bee Li Tan

There has been greater recognition of the importance of self-compassion as we go about our hectic daily lives. Part of practising self-compassion involves being kind and generous to yourself. This has been generally associated with spending on yourself and giving your time to rest, exercise, among others. These are all true but, in this article, I will offer you a different perspective on how we can practise generosity towards ourselves in a way that has a more positive and larger impact that extends beyond the present life. I do so by highlighting the words of our Gotama Buddha as shared in the Pali Canon, that is, the written collection of the Buddha’s teachings.

There are 4 main points I would like to make and here they are:

1. By being generous to others, you are indirectly being generous to oneself.

Let me illustrate. The Buddha once said, “What the miser fears, that keeps him from giving, is the very danger that comes when he doesn't give”. — SN 1.32

What does this mean? According to the laws of the Kamma, when we share and practise generosity, we accumulate good merits. As a result of that merit, we gain wealth. A miser believes that he increases the chances of retaining his wealth by hoarding his possessions. He may keep his wealth for some time, but he isn’t giving himself the opportunity to accumulate merits that would support him in future. Therefore, a miser’s fear eventually becomes a reality in future when the good merits supporting his present wealth expires. 

On the contrary, in another sutta, the Buddha said this, 

“So, when the world is on fire with ageing and death,

one should salvage [one's wealth] by giving:

what's given is well salvaged.

What's given bears fruit as pleasure.

What isn't given does not:

thieves take it away, or kings;

it gets burnt by fire or lost.” — SN 1.41

This means that whatever wealth that we have would either dwindle or be parted from us someday because we either use it for pleasure or someone takes it from us (by theft or tax!). Even if we had millions of dollars in our account at the time of death, we would still have to part with that fortune. So, if we are to enjoy our wealth on our own without sharing, the wealth just ends there. In contrast, when we share our wealth to make others happy or to alleviate their suffering, we are accumulating good merits, and that merit will support us in future. That is how we salvage our wealth for the future.

But what if we do not have much to give, you may ask. In another sutta, the Buddha pointed out that even giving a little, one reaps merit (AN5.256-7). He said, “Even if you empty the scraps of food into a stream so that fishes can consume the food, that would be a source of merit.” So, it is okay if you are unable to give a large amount. Giving even a little can impact others in ways you will not anticipate and still cultivates generosity in your heart.

The rewards of giving were further outlined in other suttas. For example, the Buddha shared that when we give someone a meal, we give them 5 things: life, beauty, happiness, strength, and quick-wittedness. And as a result of doing so, we gain a share of those 5 things karmically (AN5.37). In AN5.32, the Buddha added that if we are to alms to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha, we also gain bliss, status, and honour (Iti 90). He also elaborated in another sutta that generosity alongside truth and self-restraint are essential to spiritual progress (AN5.256-257). Specifically, in the ability to gain Right Concentration and attaining any of the 4 stages of enlightenment (i.e., Stream-Enterer, Once Returner, Non-Returner, and Arahantship).

But there are several caveats I would like to highlight. First, the Buddha isn’t encouraging us to give greedily with hopes of getting something in return. Generosity is a quality we cultivate which involves the sincere wish to benefit others and the right understanding that such acts do generate merits. We give genuinely but it is okay to recognise the impact it has on us.

After all, we rely on our merits to live comfortably. Without these merits, it would be challenging to carry out of worldly responsibilities, do good, and develop ourselves further spiritually. Second, how you give with (such as your intention, conditions of the mind, external circumstances), influence the results of the deed and these were mentioned in several suttas (AN7.49, AN5.148, AN5.36, AN6.37).

Third, although the Buddha encouraged generosity, he also recommended setting aside some of our wealth to protect ourselves (e.g., insurance/savings) (AN8.54, AN5.41). So, he isn’t suggesting that we give everything without considering our needs and future.

Forth, the Buddha did say that giving to the virtuous, results in more merits, that is, to those who are free from the 5 hindrances, established in virtue, concentration, and wisdom (AN3.57). Meaning, not all recipients are equal. Giving to certain individuals does generate more merits. 

The above caveats suggest that there are ways to give wisely and if you are interested to find out more, you may refer to the book, titled Merits1, which is a compilation of suttas on the topic by Bhikkhu Bodhi. But the bottom line remains the same, giving is beneficial to oneself and others. It supports a comfortable life for us and is foundational to our spiritual progress.

2. There is a kind of giving that involves not doing.

Generosity is often associated with offering someone something. But did you know that there is a form of giving that involves self-restraint?

Once the Buddha shared that there is a gift that is original, long-standing, and unadulterated from the beginning of time (AN8.39). That is, by keeping the 5 precepts. Namely, to abstain from:

i. Taking life

ii. Taking what is not given (i.e., stealing)

iii. Engaging in sexual misconduct

iv. Lying

v. Consuming intoxicants

Doing so would give a limitless number of beings the freedom from fear, animosity, and oppression. And in doing so you gain a fair share of that freedom. What does this mean? It means that because we do not physically harm others, we also do not inflict emotional pain upon them. We free them from both the emotional pain that accompanies physical suffering and the emotional pain that comes with the anticipation that you may harm them. For example, the family members of an abusive alcoholic will be fearful in his presence either because he is abusing them at that point in time or because they are afraid he will soon hurt them.

Why limitless number of beings? If we break just 1 precept each day, we would have harmed more than 30,000 beings assuming we live up to age 85. Sometimes, the impact of our actions multiplies such as when a person in power lies or cheats, it can affect over hundreds of people. The effects of us keeping or breaking the precepts is great.

How do you gain a fair share of that freedom if you are to keep the precepts? At a karmic level, not harming others means that we do not generate the resulting negative karmic forces that would cause us suffering in this lifetime or the next (MN136). That means, you are less likely to be physically hurt or killed, stolen from, cheated on, etc. – so you gain that share of freedom. At a logical level, when we keep our precepts, those who are wise and virtuous will appreciate us and want to associate with us while those who aren’t, will find us boring and rigid. Thus, keeping the precepts becomes a natural filter that sieves out people who may not be good for us. In this way, we get peace of mind too because we are surrounded by people who keep the precepts.