In times of Trouble, Broaden Your View

Original Chinese article, 失意时要懂得心宽 by Qing Liang (清凉)

translated by Oh Puay Fong

Disappointments and setbacks are inevitable in life — what’s important is to see them from a wider perspective.

Disappointments and setbacks are inevitable; a smooth life without obstacles makes one smug. Moaning, mourning, blaming failures or protesting against reality are futile exercises. The only resolution comes from expanding one’s perspective.

There is a Chinese saying that goes “in life, bad experiences happen more frequently than good ones.” Isn't our human existence condemned to suffering then? You’ve probably heard the saying, “the road to success is paved with failures”. Thus, we should adopt this mindset instead: Hindrances are part of one’s growth and transformation; a resolute mind does not waver in the face of challenges. The Chinese also believed that heavy snowstorms foretell prosperous years. It’s been said that “the sky is more expansive than the sea, but what is even more expansive than the sky is the mind.” No matter how difficult your life may be, how you may be cramped into a tiny square box of space, your mind is free from any constraints and can wander without restrictions. It’s boundless, you are free to roam as you please. This is the charming allure of being alive and conscious!

If you step onto higher ground, you will see farther. A colourful life encounters a rainbow of hues from red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo to violet. Among the five tastes of sour, sweet, bitter, spicy and salty, different people have different preferences. In life, we cycle endlessly through the seven emotions of happiness, anger, pain, joy, sadness, fear and surprise.

There is no smooth-sailing life. If there were no upheavals, our lives would be so monotonous, uninteresting and boring. Without the embarrassment and humiliation of failure, how could success taste sweet?

We will inevitably face disappointments and setbacks. Instead of treating them as rocks standing in our way, why not reposition them so we can step upon them to see even farther into the horizon? When you do, your view will be more inclusive and your heart will open wide as a result!

Humans are instinctively kind. We often make allowances for strangers and show gentleness to our beloved, but forget to leave some compassion for ourselves. Here’s a useful phrase: “It’s all right.” To others, we often utter it, either out of politeness, thoughtfulness, pretence, helplessness, sheer nonchalance, or an ulterior motive. Whatever the intention, if you need to console yourself in the face of inevitable hardships that life throws at you, utter this phrase to yourself. Without sunny days, life would be depressing indeed, so you need to tell yourself, “It’s all right.” When you lose your friends and feel lonely, learn to say, “It’s all right.” When you’re completely exhausted, utter it to yourself, and to your weary heart. Uttering it is not an excuse to dismiss all the past wrongs or to forget all your regrets completely, but to free yourself from unnecessary burdens or falling into hopelessness. Psyching yourself up is an effective way to recover.

Humans are empathetic by nature. When others are sad, unless these are their enemies, they will feel bad too and offer a kind word to encourage others. Yet, even as the advice is well-intentioned, and the logic impeccable, the listener may not accept it, or even act according to the advice because extreme pain is numbing. A writer once said, “I don’t give advice to anyone on anything. The one who tied the knot should untie it. The emotional scars in your heart can only be removed by your own hands. Advice from friends or kind people is only catalyst. You are the deciding factor.“ In short, disappointments and setbacks are unavoidable, what’s important is to widen your perspective to a panoramic view.”