Happiness is Your Nature

by His Holiness Gyalwang Drukpa, Jigme Pema Wangchen

Creating happiness is not like following a cookery recipe. And when people say things like, ‘Be positive’, this is just placing another expectation or pressure on you.

But in fact, happiness is already there. And what you can get better at is realising that it is there – at nurturing and nourishing it with your mind and then your actions. Then, happiness blossoms. The mind’s natural state is one of clarity and luminosity. And so if you engage in the process of developing it, you will be able to see as you have never seen before.

The true nature you were born with is quite beautiful and full of love. Happiness is your nature. You don’t need to pursue it, and you don’t need to worry that someone else might take it away from you. You just need to realise it is right there, in your heart, always. Sometimes it just gets hidden away or covered over, so you can’t see it, but it’s still there, whether the sun shines or the rain pours.

Some philosophers have described happiness as a fleeting moment, a sensation that can only come along once in a while (otherwise we wouldn’t notice how much we like it). In a way this makes sense because we human beings are very talented at putting up obstacles between ourselves and our happiness – so much so that we only catch the odd glimpse of it beneath the turbulent surface of our minds that are filled with thoughts rushing around: worrying about life, worrying about what kind of person we are, what others think about us and why other people are so difficult all the time. But we can practise opening up our hearts and minds and allowing these glimpses to become wider and infuse our daily lives more.

Happiness is pleasure, of course. From eating a piece of chocolate to doing something we never thought possible – these are the fleeting moments of happiness. What we are really interested in, though, is developing a sustained sense of happiness from within. This happiness is our inspiration and motivation; it is our love, our empathy and compassion, our joyful effort and our generosity.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought: 

it is founded on our thoughts and made up of our

thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with a good thought,

happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves

him. THE DHAMMAPADA

We often say that life is very rare and precious, so why do we let chances slip by? I advise my friends and students that they have to be smart, seizing every opportunity for self-improvement and not giving themselves excuses to turn them down. It is easy to fall into the habit of keeping so busy doing nonsense that you miss opportunities that are right in front of you. But I encourage you to grab them. I know it isn’t always easy (sometimes I have to remind myself of my own advice), but as you cultivate and take care of your mind, it will take care of you and your happiness in this life.

Your sense of happiness right now, in this moment, is, of course, fed by your life experiences – how your day is going, how you feel about the person you are and the path you are walking. But why not take this opportunity to turn things around: see that it is your happiness that can feed your life, how your day is going and who you are. Nurture your mind to loosen its grip on worries or fear, pressures to succeed, resentments or regrets, and instead look with love and generosity, embracing the potential in uncertainty, letting others be themselves, finding your inspiration. Let go of the conditions that you might have been placing on your happiness up to this point in your life. You don’t need a reason to be happy. Whether today is a challenging day, a creative day, a lazy day or a sad day, at its heart it can be a happy day.

THE BENEFITS OF HAPPINESS

Let’s look at some of the benefits of happiness:

We become more likeable.

We like people more.

We are kinder, more compassionate and generous.

We have more love in our lives.

Our bodies are healthier.

We have more clarity.

We embrace our fears and uncertainties.

We gain more fulfilment from our work.

We learn and grow from our times of suffering.

We learn not to take ourselves too seriously.

We feel balanced and comfortable in our own skin.

We flourish.

We help others to flourish.

We help the world to flourish.

Now let’s look at each of these in a little more detail.

WE BECOME MORE LIKEABLE 

Smiling is contagious. Joy radiates. It’s attractive to everyone else in the room. We can think of a good thought about someone or we can talk to them with a smile in our hearts. When we are happy, we feel better about ourselves and, in turn, this means we find it easier to feel better about others, so that we may infuse our interactions with people with compassion. Kindness is a wonderful two-way street: like so many good things, the more we give it away the more it will grow in us, nourishing our happiness like water that we use to feed the flowers.

WE LIKE PEOPLE MORE 

It feels so much better to like people, rather than be agitated or upset by them. When you aren’t feeling so good about yourself or your life it is easy to see those around you with the same negative perspective. But with a happy mind, you see the good in people. One day, for example, you are tired and cranky and it’s as though your partner can’t do anything right, and then the next day you see the same person through completely different eyes. It is our own mind and our own happiness that determines how we see the world around us.

WE ARE KINDER, MORE COMPASSIONATE AND GENEROUS

It might worry us that happiness is something that is selfish and makes us too focused on ourselves as individuals, but people who choose happiness, especially the deep-seated contentment kind, will often do the most unselfish things of all. After all, when we are angry or upset how likely is it that we will give away our spare change to that man on the street? Happy people allow themselves to care deeply about others and their happiness, in turn; they have the strength to be able to walk a mile in another’s shoes. When we create the space for happiness in our minds and our lives, we are able to see situations from all the different angles, rather than clinging to one rigid view of how the world or our lives should be. This gives us patience and tolerance for alternative points of view so that we are less easily irritated or angered. We give people a break, rather than making our minds and our hearts small with things that don’t matter.

WE HAVE MORE LOVE IN OUR LIVES 

A sad effect of unhappiness is loneliness, which, in turn, feeds more unhappiness. There can even be a tendency to believe we are unlovable – or simply, that we will never find love. The trouble is that these kinds of beliefs then build barriers between ourselves and love. Our beliefs create our experiences and those experiences then reinforce our beliefs, generating a circle of unnecessary mental suffering. Conversely, a wonderful side effect of happiness is that as we give away kindness and compassion, so we will feel these things in return in our lives. Just as we allow ourselves to feel love towards others, we will keep down the barriers that might have prevented love from coming into our lives. For some people, it may be that they particularly need to focus on being kind to themselves, to believe that they deserve it, so that they will be able to receive it from others too.

OUR BODIES ARE HEALTHIER 

Happiness is good for the heart; it is the best medicine for stress and it encourages us to look after our precious bodies a little more. It gives us a feeling of energy and vitality so that our bodies may feel stronger and our minds calmer; whereas when the mind is unhappy, the body feels it too through tiredness or constantly feeling under the weather – that feeling of not wanting to get up in the morning. Even when the body falls sick, the happy mind is able to help alleviate the amount of suffering we feel.

In return, when we take care of our bodies, it gives a great support to the mind. At our nunnery, Druk Amitabha Mountain in Nepal, kung fu is taught and practised every morning. This isn’t just aimed at physical fitness but is also to give the nuns a boost to their confidence and self-esteem. Focusing on very specific movements of the body also seems to be a workout for the mind. It is the same with yoga – it is a meditation for the body. So if, for example, one day you are practising yoga and struggling very much with your balance, this will usually mean that your mind is a little off-balance too!

WE HAVE MORE CLARITY 

When the mind is happy it is like an ocean whose surface has become calm and the waves and sand that usually cloud the water have settled so that we can see right to the bottom. Just like the incredible coral reefs of our oceans, there is beauty we could not imagine and we have the chance to look at ourselves and our lives in this peaceful state of mind, so that we may get to know who we are and who we would like to be. There are no absolute rights or wrongs, but we are able to look into our hearts and find the aspiration and motivation to take action in our lives – to jump in.

WE EMBRACE OUR FEARS AND UNCERTAINTIES 

When we are generally optimistic we no longer hold so much fear of uncertainty. We don’t need to know exactly what will happen tomorrow or even today because we feel ok in ourselves, and with uncertainty may come exciting and spontaneous opportunities. Being comfortable with and accepting of uncertainty is one of the best ways that we can nurture happiness. When we have this flexibility in our minds we are far less likely to feel disappointed, either with others, with situations or with ourselves. We don’t demand that things be a certain way in order for us to be happy – we go with the flow, easing our way around obstacles, rather than getting trapped by them.

WE GAIN MORE FULFILMENT FROM OUR WORK

To be happy in our work is one of life’s great gifts. We spend a great deal of time in activities we label as ‘work’ and we also tend to believe that with success at work will come happiness. But really, success comes from a happy state of mind, rather than the other way round. For me, one of the biggest aims of sharing the ideas in this book is to release the mind from all the conditions that we place on our happiness: that we will be happy if this happens, or when we have achieved that. When we are happy we are present in the moment, we are in the flow of our lives. And the same is true of our work: when we are lost in pure focus or concentration it is a great feeling. When we interact with others through our work and learn, teach, help or inspire we make great connections and enrich our minds and our lives.

WE LEARN AND GROW FROM OUR TIMES OF SUFFERING 

Happiness sometimes gets a reputation for being unrealistic, for papering over cracks in our lives that are in truth very painful and difficult. This is why it is so important to acknowledge all of our emotions, positive and negative, and look them honestly in the face, rather than trying to ignore them. If we don’t allow ourselves to understand our suffering, then the type of happiness we will experience will be superficial – like a plaster that covers up the cut but doesn’t heal the wound.

Many people might wonder what someone in my position would know about pain and suffering. How can a monk sitting on a mountain or in a cave have any understanding of what is happening in the real world? I appreciate every day that has gone by in my life, but I can’t tell you that I was smiling with happiness all of those days. I was barely four years old when I went to live with the monks. I didn’t see my parents for long periods at a time and I wasn’t always very good at my studies; sometimes I was beaten – and I worried a great deal that I wasn’t good enough to be the person everyone said I was. I have lost some of my beloved gurus along the way, and today I am at the top of the responsibility tree, accountable for hundreds of monasteries, nunneries and schools in the Himalayas. I say all this to show that it’s not the case that I haven’t had painful days or that I’ve never felt a burden in my mind. But all of these times of sadness or feeling out of my depth have been gifts to my happiness too. They have strengthened my appreciation of life, reminded me of my purpose and given energy to my work. They have been invaluable lessons in compassion.

WE LEARN NOT TO TAKE OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY 

I sometimes think people may not take me very seriously as a monk as I am often to be heard laughing away like nobody’s business. It is helpful to experience all of our emotions deeply, but it is also good occasionally to let go of being too serious, especially when it comes to ourselves. Being able to laugh at our own mistakes or mishaps means that we aren’t tormented by embarrassment or worry about what others might think of us. It gives us the freedom to be that self that gives joy to others, rather than being caught up in our own fussiness or cynicism.

WE FEEL BALANCED AND COMFORTABLE IN OUR OWN SKIN 

With happiness comes contentment and peace. I know that in modern societies many people are taught that contentment isn’t enough as they strive for success – if one goal or summit is reached, then they must find a bigger, higher one. And for some, it is the striving that is the enjoyable part, so that often they feel an anti-climax once they have achieved their goal, pausing only for a moment before looking around at where to go next. This is quite a stressful way of living – always looking for happiness around the next corner when it has been right there by our sides all along. It is possible to feel relaxed and friendly with our inner nature, to allow ourselves to feel happy, while also being very active and getting a good deal done. That way, instead of rushing from one experience or achievement to the next, we give ourselves the time to appreciate each moment of the day and embrace all of our emotions as they arise, without fear or judgement.

WE FLOURISH 

To be happy is to thrive in one’s life, rather than simply survive, and a happy state of mind can show the way towards a life that flourishes with a sense of meaning and purpose. What a gift we have in our ability to feel happiness. What a gift that so many of us don’t have to worry about survival on a day-to-day basis and can therefore focus more of our efforts on making the world a better, happier place for all. When we give ourselves permission to be happy, we concentrate on the things we do well, rather than worrying about our imperfections. We release ourselves from the burden of constant comparison, guilt that we’re somehow not quite good enough, attractive enough or successful enough. We free up so much of our mental time and strength. We aren’t afraid or too shy to share our happiness, our love and compassion. We open up to the world’s possibilities and beauty – and we flourish.

WE HELP OTHERS TO FLOURISH 

Here we are getting to the really big benefits of happiness. It is one thing for our happiness to help us flourish in our own lives, but then when we share happiness, we go a step further and help other people’s lives to be better too. It’s a simple example, but think of the nurse who is happy in her life and her work – she shows true compassion to her patients and makes their day better, even when they are in pain. Her smile and her care can make all the difference, not just for the patients, but for their families too, even helping in the healing process. A little bit of shared happiness goes a long way.

WE HELP THE WORLD TO FLOURISH 

When we feel good in ourselves and in our lives, we do good. We become more loving not only to those closest to us, but we do our best to help make the world a better place, in whatever way we can – it doesn’t matter how great or how small because it all counts. By doing whatever we can to take care of our minds and develop ourselves we, in turn, help to bring a little more peace to the world. I would even say that the greatest heroes of all are the peacemakers. So never be afraid that to uncover your own happiness is selfish, because it is with your happiness that you will take the best care of others, and you will appreciate this beautiful world that gives us all life and strive to take better care of Mother Nature too.

ARE YOU HAPPY TODAY? ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE?

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. ABRAHAM LINCOLN

To help us understand how your mind works, to see that the mind is the creator of everything, it is useful to consider what happiness and suffering mean to you, and how you feel about your life and your interactions with the world.

What do we mean when we say happiness is a state of mind? Can we really decide to be happy? Surely it depends on our circumstances, some of which will always be out of our control?

It’s true that the external conditions of our lives are not within our control, but whatever our circumstances, we always have a choice as to how we decide to react to them, and about the person, we make up our minds to be on any given day. It sounds simple. And we might well ask why human beings have had such trouble with happiness that so many books have been written through the ages. Why did the great philosophers all spend so much time thinking about it? But simple things aren’t necessarily easy. Our minds are very complex and they are incredibly powerful, but in that power also lies the chance for misunderstanding and ego-building. So in order to help us choose to let ourselves be happy, there are many tools that help us to take care of our minds and allow our happiness to flourish. It is like the trunk and branch of a tree: if you look after the trunk very nicely by giving it water and keeping it at the right temperature, it will become very strong and well-rooted. Then, sooner or later, the branches will grow and will bear leaves, flowers and fruit without a problem. However, if you don’t look after the trunk and the roots, these things will not grow.

Once we begin to take the time and effort to look at ourselves, those around us and our place in the world, we then begin to understand the simple equation of happiness: that it comes from within, that it grows with sharing, that it is our choice and that it provides the easiest route to becoming the person we want to be. It is then that we can stop wasting so much time worrying and instead be busy and creative doing good and positive deeds to help others. Our time and energy will expand, and we will remember every day what a precious life we have. It is a feeling of harmony, of knowing ourselves deeply and caring for others unconditionally.

Purity and simplicity are the two wings with which man soars above the earth. BUDDHA

Happiness is a balance of both our pleasures (which might change quite a bit from day to day, as our moods and emotions rise and fall) and our level of contentment (with which we evaluate how life is going and whether it is meaningful). It is possible to become caught up in associating happiness only with pleasure while forgetting to nourish the deeper, underlying happiness, how we feel about life and who we are.

We spend now for the sake of happiness but suffer at the end of the month. We break our diet today because we can’t see clearly the true consequences of our actions. We confuse a sugar or alcohol high with happiness. We also seem to spend a great deal of time focusing on our unhappiness – our stresses and strains, the things we wish were otherwise. And that’s why we look for the quick happiness fixes, the momentary pleasures that can give us temporary relief.

For lasting happiness, we need to go deeper. But this kind of deeper, contented happiness is often more elusive. It’s not something we can create by eating a particular food or going to a movie. It is not easily defined and, in any case, its meaning might grow or change throughout our lives. We will never pin happiness down, we will never own it – and to try and do so would lead to destroying it in the long run. But we may come to know it better, and so be able to recognise it as a familiar friend, rather than a stranger. Happiness isn’t something that we need to pursue relentlessly, chasing it all over the place, through the back streets that make up the map of our lives. All we need to do is to use our minds to shine a light on what is already there within our hearts, and to understand that we simply need to let ourselves be happy.

This is a cool, fresh feeling. It is when we feel a sense of space, and rather than grabbing for the next piece of entertainment or distraction for our minds, we instead enjoy and embrace the gap. We don’t fill it up with unnecessary nonsense, but let it be – because it is our nature. By using the tool of awareness we not only find it a little easier to let the space develop between our thoughts, but also acknowledge feelings of agitation when they first begin to appear, and so deal with them quickly rather than constantly pushing them down or running away from them until they become like wounds in our minds.

It’s important to go through all of these things and to truly experience life, and then build your awareness so that you begin to see and feel the difference between the burning types of happiness and those moments of a deep, connected sense of happiness. This is a deep love, a deep understanding; it is something immeasurable and also indestructible. Your inner happiness is always there – it’s up to you to uncover it. It is something you can feel very safe with, even if you don’t feel it directly all the time, and you can rely on yourself and your happiness as you go about your daily life.