A Happy Heart

by His Holiness Gyalwang Drukpa, Jigme Pema Wangchen

If we can begin to understand the mind intellectually at first, then we will have made a good start. If we can begin to discover the sources of our happiness and also the sources of suffering, then we have a chance. But that isn’t quite enough, as this kind of intellectual knowledge has to be brought down to the heart. When you are making a decision like buying a house, for example, you have all the facts and figures before you, but what really clinches is the feeling in your heart: that’s what you need to practise more, every day.

You probably know people who seem to know themselves – who are able to listen to their own nature. They experience just as much sadness and anger and desire as the next person but are good navigators through even troubled waters. I have many friends who aren’t religious at all, but who are simply in touch with themselves, which makes them very enjoyable and inspiring to be around. Even if they are on a path to some form of improvement, which may take quite some time, they are making the most of their journey, wherever it might twist and turn.

If we do not immediately identify with that sort of natural happiness, we can develop it. We can improve on our understanding of our own nature and we can reveal our happiness. This is my own experience.

What if we were able to simply choose happiness? What if we decided to do away with all the conditions, comparisons and expectations and focused instead on all the opportunities and truly good things we have in our life right now, today? People worry that if they are optimistic or look on the bright side they will set themselves up for a fall or a disappointment. But an optimistic mind doesn’t expect every day to be a breeze or go perfectly according to plan; an optimistic mind has the flexibility to accept whatever does come their way and try to see the potential good in any situation. An optimistic, or happy mind embraces the uncertainty of life and is less attached both to material things and the way things are.

So, if this is the case, can we, therefore, train our minds to be happier, both in the moment and about who we are and what we’ve done, how we evaluate our life? The good news is that we can.

We need to reconnect with our true selves, our intuitive selves. This practice plants the seed of understanding, and with understanding, happiness not only becomes our state of mind, but we begin to share it with others all day long – through our thoughts, words and acts.

Both meditation and developing your general sense of awareness are very helpful for turning up the volume on your inner voice so that you may know your purpose and then align what you do on the surface of life with what is in your heart. You can then begin to look at the situations in your life differently. You will gain a fresh take on old patterns that have so often repeated themselves, and on things or people who you have always thought have somehow prevented you from being happy. You can also view challenges that arise more suddenly with a different way of seeing so that you are less likely to be thrown off balance by things that usually sabotage your general state of happiness. You can pause … before you react.

With a little practice, you will begin to see the fabrications you have allowed to build up over time, the conditions and demands you have placed on life so that you might ‘be happy’. You might discover that you have become very attached – even addicted – to certain ways of thinking, likes and dislikes; and you might have become narrow and closed off. It’s not so easy for a narrow mind to be happy, so you need to practise opening your mind up, so you might let more happiness in.

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself some direct questions:

What is happening in your life?

Do you feel happy?

What is already good in your life?

What do you really want to improve?

This is not to put pressure on you, but to help you realise just how much of the way you feel about life and experience comes from within your mind, and how spending a little time taking care of it may bring you great benefits.

If you are someone who tends towards more negative thoughts or emotions but know you would like to feel lighter and happier in yourself, you might be a little afraid of spending time with your mind, of looking directly at your emotions. But it’s very important to know that even very negative emotions, such as jealousy, are never permanent – they come and go and are valuable for your life’s journey.

There is no essential need to become attached to negative emotions, yet some people find it an easy trap to fall into. Others find the lure of optimism or a ‘nothing gets-to-me’ attitude very strong and will ignore the presence of anything potentially negative; everything is like water off a duck’s back to them, not even scratching the surface. But if we walk the middle way, we will maintain our balance: we will not be too upset by negative emotions or experiences, but equally, we won’t find that our egos are floating all over the place, knocking things over.

We need to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror without squirming and be honest about the things we would like to improve and practise. When we are both kind and honest with ourselves then we can be kind and honest with everyone else, which brings so much peace and happiness into our minds and our lives. We begin to have a great capacity for empathy and compassion because if we are more sensitive and aware of our own source of happiness and our own vulnerabilities and quirks, then we will be more sensitive to the needs of others and how we may contribute to their happiness. We will be less quick to get caught up in criticism and judgments and will learn to live and let live a little more, while also striving to be and do the best we can in our own lives.

Have the courage to put your hand up and say it’s time to face what is getting in between you and your happiness – then you give yourself the opportunity of your lifetime.