Awakening Self-Compassion

by Esther Thien

Deep within all beings is the wish to be happy and free from suffering. Therefore self-compassion is the most natural thing in the world. Yet when we suffer emotionally, instead of responding compassionately to our own failings and imperfections, more often than not, we hear a harsh inner critic or what we call a heckler, calling out insults and bashing us. Children are not spared from this either, and can be victims of their own heckling and expectations of perfection

But mentally flogging ourselves for our weaknesses and mistakes is useless, and an impediment to our spiritual progress. Having compassion for ourselves is really no different from having compassion for others. Looking back at the person we were when we erred, we can understand and have compassion for our own suffering. At that time, we did what we thought was best. Confusion clouded our mind, and we erred. Although we need to make amends for the harm we inflicted on others, we need not hate and condemn ourselves. We can forgive ourselves.

Just like in the natural world, there is no such thing as a poorly formed wave or badly shaped tree. We are part of nature as it should be. We shouldn’t be too harsh on ourselves when we make mistakes or are imperfect, for that is the reality of the human existence and experience.

Just like how a mother cares for her only child, be gentle, kind and caring with yourself. Always learn to love yourself. Open your heart to self-acceptance and understanding. Look at your good side and learn from past mistakes. Live in the present, and remind yourself that you, too, are worthy of love and deserve your own compassion, for guilt does nobody any good. By embracing ourselves with kindness and care in response to pain, without judgment or self-blame, we are on the path to healing.

In fact, the practice of self-compassion has been proven to improve well-being, regulate emotions, and reduce depression and anxiety. Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to engage in perspective-taking, rather than focusing on their own distress. They are also less likely to ruminate on how bad things are, which is one of the reasons self-compassionate people have better mental health.

As we go through our own difficulties, we learn to bring a quality of loving care to everything we touch. Only then, can we extend compassion to all of nature and sentient beings.