How to overcome loneliness during a shutdown

by Venerable Thubten Chodron

Q: I feel lonelier than ever since the pandemic started, especially during this time of social distancing with reduced social activities and connections. What can I do? – A

A: Since the pandemic began, many people say they are lonely. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. We can be alone yet feel very contented and not lonely at all. We can also be with a huge group of people and feel very lonely because we are with a group we don’t click with.

Loneliness is not really about a physical situation, but a mental one. If we change our minds and see things from another perspective, we can release that loneliness. There are many ways we can alleviate loneliness. You can reach out to others, or you can go inwards. Historically in times of huge social crises, more people go within and start questioning what life is about. More people also visit monasteries seeking religion during times of social upheaval. I have seen some indications of people connecting within themselves to conquer their loneliness.

Checking in with ourselves to ask what is important in our lives and then doing it is powerful. Rather than worrying what others are going to think of us or that we can’t do it due to financial security etc, now is the time to live the kind of life that we want to live and really let our talents, abilities and gifts shine and contribute to society in a positive way.

Loneliness can also come about because there are so many sources of sense stimulation — watching videos, reading the news all day long — that leave you feeling hollow inside. Loneliness can come from that too. There are many, many ways to reach out or to go within.

Take this opportunity during this period when at home to read or watch all the Dharma books and videos you have always wanted to read or view. The meditation that you have always wanted to learn or do? Now is the time to do them.

Or, you can call friends and relatives that you have not been in touch with in a while, especially people you cared about but have not talked to for some time. Contact them and let them know that you care about them.

Or you can call a nursing or old age home, and volunteer to talk to residents there who have no family members and connect with these people. Or bring gifts of food to your neighbours and befriend them. You can also volunteer at a welfare organisation and be involved in different online projects, depending on your abilities.

Or organise a meditation group online. You are not only connecting with others and doing your practice but also helping those who have difficulty getting to the cushion and doing their practice. It just takes some initiative on our part. When you do something for others, you feel more fulfilled.

Closer to home, tell your family and loved ones how much you appreciate having them in your life and that you love them. This is also a good opportunity to apologise to people you need to apologise to or forgive people you need to forgive by letting go of your anger. It is a good time to clear things up between you and others in this period where there is a greater, more heightened sense of awareness of the uncertainty of life. There are so many ways you can reach out.

Or read a book when you feel lonely. You are connecting with the author who is sharing something about life with you through the book as you engage with your own imagination as well. Reading is wonderful. You can pause and reflect about what you read. Another antidote to overcome loneliness is to sing and dance! You can also imagine Chenrezig or Guanyin Bodhisattva giving you a great big hug filled with love and compassion with her thousand arms. You will feel very connected!