Facing One's Mind Before Facing One's Situation

by Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche

We need to recognise the source of our problems and the source of all our perceived threats. We must try to see how they arise from our “self,” and more specifically from our grasping to the self. When we have the feeling of being sucked in to a situation, when we feel emotionally drained, or when we feel unable to withstand the confusion and power of our own pain — if we look closely right then — there will usually be a particular attachment that we’re not willing to let go, or a particular idea that seems so important for us to hang on to.

Not only are we unwilling to let go of our attachment, but we won’t relax even a little bit and take a deep breath because we feel such a strong sense of alarm. Sometimes it feels to us as though the world is about to end, the tension is so overwhelming.

This feeling may be old and familiar to us, but even so, it is still difficult to bring to mind any poise or strength to deal with it; we lack the stability of heart to remain unaffected. In this troubling and disturbed space, the thinking and feeling aspects of our mind become frenzied, so we cannot see clearly what to do. We can’t make a decision or determine what will help us. What often happens next is that we go off in the wrong direction, by covering up the problem or trying to get rid of the whole drama in our mind.

To get rid of the drama, our mind tries to tighten its grip on whatever attachments we have; we dig our claws further into what we’re attached to. We’re desperate to hang on, because our mind is projecting that if we lose this, it will be devastating.

We’re convinced that if it feels so bad even to imagine the prospect of losing it, then actually losing it would be overwhelming. This kind of logic automatically plays out in the mind. I think this is why a lot of people feel so insecure, yet at the same time are very grasping.

It’s important to understand what we’re saying here. Letting go of your attachment to the self, or letting go of your attachments in general doesn’t mean you have to abandon your circumstances, or re-establish yourself in some new situation.

It doesn’t mean caring any less for what is important to you, such as your family or friends. You can continue to nurture and cherish whatever is important. But the idea here is to recognise that these disturbing reactions come from your habits, from your insecurities, from your unwillingness to let go of this self-grasping. We set ourselves up to suffer in this mental space, and thereby weaken ourselves in the core of our heart.

We can also recognise that there’s really no reason to feel threatened, because karma brings all this about. There is a way to work with our mind and accept even the unfavourable karma. Though some things can’t be changed because there are strong causes and conditions for them to be a certain way, we can still adopt a positive attitude. Rather than stay in the dark, acting frenzied and weak, we can develop a positive, stable, strong mind to see things in a clear light.

We have to recognise our attachments, and then be able to face them. We should take pleasure in recognising them, in seeing our grasping and our pathetic hopes and fears; seeing how we hang on to them even while knowing that, in the end, they won’t matter. If holding on won’t affect the outcome, if a situation is destined to go in a particular direction, then such hanging on is useless and misguided. We have to be able to recognise this, to see things clearly in this way. By doing so, a sense of acceptance, and a willingness to face situations — and our own emotions — will arise.

Face your emotions, face what’s happening inside your own mind, before facing the situation. That way you will establish the attitude that nothing is more important than your well-being, your mental stability.

Once your well-being is assured, everything else will fall into place. But without this attitude, no matter how you may try to fix things outside yourself, nothing will feel secure.

This is how we apply the mind training teachings with great pleasure and joy. There’s not much point to recognising your suffering if you have no path to work with it. Since this tradition of Buddhist teaching is all about that path and how to become clearer in bringing everything onto this path, then recognising our suffering and its causes provides an occasion for true rejoicing.