The Hornless Bull

by Ng Pei Fuen

There was once a young clumsy bull which was very unique.

While his peers were wrestling and jostling, he stumbled to join in.

Round and tubby, he could not balance well. So tumble he did, again and again.

He was always surrounded with roars of laughter, “Look at that clumsy little bull! What kind of bull is he? Ha! Ha! Ha!”

Hot tears flowed as his heart raged with shame and anger. “Why am I so clumsy? How dare they say this about me?”

He walked alone to the deep, quiet forest and as he calmed down, he decided, “I’m going to show them what a bull I can become indeed!” By the day, he hid in the bushes, watching the strong bulls train and wrestle. By night, he wandered into the forests, picking sturdy old trees as targets to practise his charging and train up his might.

Through this training, he shed layers of fat and became tough, rugged and strong. His horns grew sharp and sturdy and his confidence grew. He now could roam calmly amongst his own, earning cheers instead of jeers now.

He felt truly triumphant. “This is the day! Now they know my worth!”

He became a leader, roaming the fields with at least a dozen in tow.

One day, there was a fight. This fight was for only the strong and bullish, and indeed, no bull short of these criteria could survive it. The formerly clumsy bull threw his hooves in and called out for competitors.

And the fight began. Day and night, the crowds jostled with excitement to watch. The defeated bulls were thrown carelessly into the crowd while those still strong and powerful continued their tussles. After three long days and nights, only the previously clumsy bull and two others were left. In hours, the third was eliminated and only the bull and another remained. This was the moment for the ultimate victor!

With all his bullish strength, he charged at the other. And wham! The other bull flew through the air and landed with a thud far off. “Hurrah! The winner has emerged!” Our bull felt his heart rush with excitement, “This was it! This was it!” Looking at his fallen competitor on the ground, a sudden cruel wave swarmed his mind, “That’s it. I will be the strongest around. Off to his old home he goes!”

With a snicker, he stuck his hooves onto the ground, preparing to charge with all his might at the fallen one. “May he be gone forever!” And he pushed off with such might that the dust and sand whirled around and the tiny flies scuttled off in a flurry. Crack! Our bull was stunned by a strong blow to his head, “What happened?” He could not move, his horns were lodged onto something and he felt dizzy. The more he pulled, the more stuck his horns became. “What? What happened? What the h…” As the dust slowly fell away from his vision, he found himself staring at the foot of a tree and the crowd roared with laughter, “Look at him! Look at him! What a sight! A bull stuck in the tree! Ha! Ha! Ha!” For a while, he was disoriented. Then from the corner of his eye, he glanced back and saw that the fallen one was fallen no more. It had jumped out of the way nimbly before our bull struck and was now standing triumphantly, smirking with its front hooves raised in victory.

The formerly clumsy bull felt the familiar hotness come back to his heart, the same queasiness and shame that he had felt long ago. He wanted to disappear straight away into the deep forest that had always given him solace, but struggle as he did, he could not dislodge himself from the tree. No bull came to help that day. All his friends had gone with the celebrating crowd, throwing praises and salutations upon the triumphant bull.

He was left all alone, in the dust, in the dusk, hot tears streaming, back and hooves tired from struggling to get free.

The night passed quickly. When day broke, the bull was confused from fatigue, anger and depression and his life flashed by him as he waited. He did not know what he was waiting for. He no longer felt he knew his life and future.

Suddenly-

“Pa! Pa! Look! Look!” He jumped a little at the voice, the voice of a little one of the human race and tried to twist his head quickly to see where it came from. His vision was restricted by the tight grip on his horns but he saw two pairs of feet, one pair bigger than the other. Then he felt a touch.

He jumped and protested by kicking his hind legs furiously.

“Careful! Come here, he’s angry and he might kick you.” The older one shouted. “But he’s in pain, Pa, can we help him? His horns are stuck in the tree!” The older human came cautiously round the bull, keeping out of reach from the furiously kicking hooves. He stood just behind the tree trunk and looked at the bull, tired, afraid and in pain from its pathetic situation. He did not know what to do. He feared for his son and himself if he should free this bull. Would it kill them in fright?

The bull looked into the man’s eyes and felt something different. There was a certain gentleness and calm in this man that made the bull feel as if it could almost trust him. The bull relaxed a little and maintained the eye contact.

Then a little hand came and courageously caressed the bull. The bull twitched a little but the touch felt good. His tears fell again at this expression of concern.

The little boy was worried now. “Pa, it is in pain. It’s crying! Please help him, Pa! Please help him! It must be so painful!”

His father was confused. His elders always warned him to keep away from the wild bulls in the forest. In their village, at least one member of each family had had some kind of encounter with the ferocious wild bulls, some losing their lives, others left crippled or maimed. Should he do it?

A little wet hand grabbed at his wrists. “Pa! Pa…” He looked at his little boy, whose eyes were red and teary, looking up sadly into his eyes.

Something tugged at his heartstrings and he made the decision.

“Ok, brother bull, we are here to help you. Please relax and calm down. Please promise not to harm my little boy and me. Don’t worry. We mean no harm. Please don’t worry…” he repeated these words over and over again, looking straight into the eyes of our now defeated and shamed bull. Then he reached out his hands to caress the face of the crying bull, soothing it like he had comforted his little boy when the little one had awakened in fear from his nightmares.

The bull showed its consent by trying to sit down close to the tree, waiting quietly.

The horns were too deeply rooted in the trunk. They looked impossible to yank out forcefully. It might be a dangerous operation, injuring the bull and causing excessive bleeding. Then the older human had an idea. He had a saw with him! The sharp saw that he used to fell old, thick trees with. Maybe he could saw the horns of this bull to save its life.

When the bull saw the man reaching for the saw, he winced. “Not my horns! My bull horns! No bull would be afraid of me anymore! Please no! Not my horns!” His tears came again and he stood up nervously, trying to back away slowly, only to end up moving his hooves around the same spot on the ground. He started to perspire and his feet shivered in fear.

“Pa! Pa!” The observant little boy sitting atop the tree in front cried out in worry.

His father assured the little boy with a nod, and then approached the bull slowly and gently. He spoke to the bull like an old friend, “My friend brother bull, there is no other way except this. Though your horns will never grow again, you still have your life and strength. You can still live out your lifespan and bring much benefit. You will soon starve here if we don’t do this. Please, we are trying to help you. We are your friends.” The man spoke sincerely and slowly from the bottom of his heart. He hoped that his intention could be felt by this bull, even if it did not understand human speech.

The bull continued to struggle for a while, then slowly it calmed down and sat down again close to the tree, closing its eyes, with tears streaming down the sides of its face.

“It’s all right, my friend. Please relax, I will try to saw through your horns now. Please do not harm me, I am trying to help you.”

At the risk of being too close to the bull, the older human walked over slowly, putting one hand reassuringly on the bull, then he put both hands on his familiar tool. Slowly, the teeth of the saw cut into the pearly white horns of the bull. He sawed slowly and steadily, taking pains not to injure the bull. Finally, it was done. With a thump, the tired bull fell against the foot of the tree.

“Hurray! Thank you, Pa! Thank you, Pa! He’s released now. He’s released now. Yeah!”

The little boy jumped down the tree and came quickly to the exhausted bull, sitting next to its huge and strong body, reaching out his little arms in embrace.

His father’s heart jumped and he quickly reached forward to pull his only son back. “Be careful, my boy! He is still a wild bull!” The boy struggled in protest in his father’s arms but the father would not let go.

“Come now, my boy, it’s almost dark. We should go home now.”

As the exhausted and hornless bull laid in the dirt at the base of the tree, he heard the cries of the little boy becoming more and more distant, until all he could hear were the sounds of birds returning to their homes, crickets singing and other forest animals chatting.

Now the reality of being hornless sank in.

Our bull sank hopelessly into depression. No more a perfect bull, shamefully defeated, no more admirers, no more future, no more ‘me’. What have I become?

The whole night these thoughts, memories of his past horned life came flashing back. For a while he thought he was back in the limelight, showing off his strength by throwing fallen trees farther than any into the woods. Sometimes, he became the young tubby and clumsy little bull again, shy and afraid, ashamed at his own un-bullishness. He spent the night in such delirium or rather, delusions of who he was and who he thought he might become.

Another night passed. And another…

On the third morning as he lay slumped against the tree in the same position, not having the mental strength and courage to move anywhere, he heard that same familiar young voice again. This time, it came very near to him. But he did not even flinch even a little; he was now a depressed hornless bull. He no longer cared if some hunter came and stuck a knife deep into his hides. He thought he no longer had any future. What use was his life now?

A little human hand caressed his head, and then he felt the cool, refreshing feeling of water trickling down his head. Water! He opened his mouth for the water to flow in and he realised how thirsty he was! He opened his eyes and saw the little boy squatting next to him with a bowl of water. “Drink, drink! You must be thirsty now. Why are you still here? Why are you not going home?”

As the hornless bull lapped up the water, he let the word “home” repeat again and again in his mind. Where was home? Do I have a home? They only loved me because of my beauty and strength. Now that I have been publicly disgraced and now dehorned, what would they think of me?

He ignored that little boy who was caringly bringing him more water as he listlessly lapped up bowl after bowl.

Then he fell into thinking again, reminiscing, thinking and realising now that nobody had ever loved him. Was he even worth anybody’s love? At times, he glanced up at his sawed-off horns stuck in the trunk and his tears fell again. In this way, his emotions went up and down but still, he did not make any effort to move from that very spot.

Each day while he remained at that spot, the little boy came in the mornings with water and food. His little human nurse was gentle and patient. But the bull-headed patient was too self-engrossed with sorrow and shame to notice. He just continued lying there in the dirt.

One night in the quiet and cool of the forest, the hornless bull lay there awake, thinking as usual. Then he saw a little light coming closer into the forest, flickering and moving. He stiffened. What or who was it? As it came closer, he recognised the sound of the little boy’s footsteps. What was he doing here in the middle of the night?

When the little boy came close and saw the bull looking at him, he was overjoyed and came running, falling beside the bull, moving up close. Looking into the eyes of the little boy, the bull realised he had been crying. This little boy must have been afraid to walk in the dark forest, but why had he come?

The stubborn hornless bull now paid attention to this little human crouched close to its hide. “Brother bull, I had a dream tonight. I dreamed that a group of hunters came and carried you away to the market. You were crying and angry but you could not fight back because you had no horn. I was so worried. I wanted to come and see if you are safe. I am so happy you are still here!” Then the little human wrapped his arms around the bull in joy.

As the bull laid there wrapped in the little boy’s embrace, his heart softened and his tears fell. This time, they were tears of gratitude. Why, he had come all this way to see if I am safe! He was deeply touched under his stubborn hide.

As the happy little boy continued to keep his arms around his friend, the bull woke up.

He finally woke up from his self-centred depression and saw that this little boy with the lamp who had come in the frightening dark was his FRIEND – someone who loved him and cared for him despite his current pathetic situation.

He curled his great body a little so that the boy could fit comfortably in the centre, to be kept warm from the night’s cold. His hide was thick, but the boy had only a shirt and jacket on him. He now felt responsible for taking care of this boy, his nurse, his benefactor and his friend.

The night passed peacefully, and it was also peaceful within the mind of our friend, the hornless bull. Gone were the waves of thoughts that had tortured him for days. Now what remained was a happy and peaceful calm.

When day broke, the forest was suddenly filled with the sound of people moving around quickly and of voices calling out. Who was it now? The boy woke up and he jumped up in joy, “Here! Here! I am here! I found him! I found him! He is all right, Pa! He didn’t get caught!”

The human voices quickly came towards them and the bull saw four or five men with sticks and knives rushing over. He stood up behind the little boy, preparing to protect his friend with his life. “Oh, you are finally moving!” The boy hugged him again in joy.

At the sight of the mighty hornless bull and the tiny little boy in an awkward embrace, the men lowered their weapons and smiled, “Why, we thought he was bragging and telling a childish made-up story. There really IS a hornless bull here.”

“Can we bring him home, Pa?” The familiar older man came forward and embraced his son in relief. “If he wants to, my boy.”

The boy met the bull’s eyes and he knew the answer was yes.

So the group walked back to the village and as they approached, the villagers came out to greet them and they saw the hornless bull walking slowly behind them, quietly and calmly. Some children screamed and women protested to their men. “Get that bull away! It will harm our children!”

This time the boy’s father stepped out. He seemed to be a leader of the group. He spoke some words and the crowd calmed down. One by one, they entered their homes and emerged with gifts of food, drinks and water for the bull. The boy’s father, the village leader had told them, “This bull is a hero. It protected my son in the forest the whole night.”

The wild bull was not used to staying close to humans, but it learned to be patient and gentle. The village children became his best friends, and as it was showered with love and care, it began to think that it was time to be useful to these humans. The hornless bull saw the men slogging in the fields, pulling heavy logs to level the grounds. So it walked in and pushed the logs with the men. When it saw women and children wading across the little river that linked the next village with this one, it went into the water and lowered itself for them to sit on it. And he would bring them safely across to the other side.

Soon word spread and people from the other villages came to see for themselves. They had all heard about the gentle, hornless wild bull that had come and stay with this village, helping them in their farming and playing with their children.

The bull spent many years there and he was a great help to the villagers. He felt truly happy now. He had never felt such peace in his whole life. He was even better off without his horns! People were not afraid of him because he did not have horns to attack. People felt safe because he would walk gently and slowly amongst them, not harming a single one. For the rest of his life, he stayed amongst the people and away from his own savage, wild ones.

When the time came to leave this life, he lay down beside the familiar old tree and stared at the two holes where his old horns used to be lodged in. It had by now been pried out and sold by some enterprising villagers. But it no longer mattered. He had long learned that he had no use at all for those horns or any kind of weapon to attack anyone with. He had learned that he was best off when he gave the gift of safety to others.

He gazed at the clear blue sky, and these phrases came to him:

“Once I wandered amongst the strong and beautiful,

Yearning much to be like them and better than them.

I struck fear in the weaker ones, and felt triumphant at that thought.

I thought I had proven myself and those who came were true admirers.

But alas, when disaster struck, how many remained by me?

Those two sharp horns I used to prize,

Were gone with a few saws of the sharp metal piece –

My pride, my security, my prized possession…

left me that very day.

But I gained a true friend, a friend from the human kind,

Who gave me love, food and shelter,

and best of all, the courage to live on again.

Now I come again to this wretched spot, but now

It is wretched no more.

This is the place of victory. The place which marks

The day that I found true happiness.

Today I know it’s time; my bull life is complete.

What more do I need to fight for, knowing that

My life has been complete and peaceful…

Wandering gentle, hornless and harmless on the streets of people,

Doing great works of benefit in gratitude to them.

There is much more joy in serving others,

Than to fight selfishly for that pride and thorny honour –

Which is fleeting, short-lived and valueless, so to speak?

With my last breath, I sing in honour of my friends,

My benefactors:

“Thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally,

For showing me there’s more to life than just ‘me’.”

And the old hornless bull went to sleep peacefully, unmoving in the still forest night.